DEADPOOL 2 and ONCE UPON A DEADPOOL (2018)

Deadpool 2 poster

DEADPOOL 2

SHORT VERSION

Foul-mouthed mutant mercenary Wade Wilson (AKA. Deadpool), brings together a team of fellow mutant rogues to protect a young boy with supernatural abilities from the brutal, time-traveling cyborg, Cable.

MEDIUM VERSION

Since the events of the first film, Deadpool/Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) has been spending his time bloodily killing crime gangs and drug cartels with the help of his taxi driver friend Dopinder (Blind Al) who has been considering entering the contract killer business (much to Deadpool’s chagrin). However Deadpool’s happiness comes to an end when his partner Vanessa (Morena Baccarin) is shot dead by the leader of one of the cartels in revenge before he himself is killed.

Unable to see a reason to keep on living, Deadpool decides to blow himself up. He succeeds but still lives, with his parts retrieved by Colossus (Stefan Kapii) and taken to the X-Mansion where he recovers and encounters Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand) and her girlfriend Yukio (Shioli Kutsuna). Deadpool reluctantly agrees to join the X-Men as a trainee with their first assignment being to retrieve a boy called Russell (Julian Dennison) with mutant powers who is causing an incident at his school. Russell, who calls himself Firefists due to his ability to project fire from his hand, shows signs of being abused by the headmaster (Eddie Marsan) and the staff so Deadpool decides to screw the rules and shoots dead one of the men responsible. Colossus is disgusted and kicks Deadpool out of the X-Men, allowing him to be arrested along with Russell. The two are given collars to surpress their mutant powers and thrown in prison.

Now incarcerated, the hopeless situation is made worse as without his powers Deadpool’s cancer starts up again, although Deadpool just wants to die anyway at this point. Just then Cable (Josh Brolin) breaks in to kill Russell, as in the future Russell will kill Cable’s wife and daughter with Cable himself travelling back to prevent this. In the melee Deadpool’s collar breaks restoring his powers and he manages to save Russell (a vision of Vanessa telling him he must do so) and escapes, however Russell remains in the prison and makes it a point to befriend the most dangerous prisoner. Cable gets away having stolen Deadpool’s skeeball token (his only reminder of Vanessa) as a trophy.

Deciding to extract and protect Russell before Cable can get his hands on him, Deadpool puts together his own mutant team called X-Force.

Unfortunately, in their attempt to release Russell while in transit to a new facility most of the team are messily killed due to their inepititude with the only survivor besides Deadpool being Domino (Zazie Beetz) whose mutant power of extreme good luck helps her take over the truck transporting the prisoner. Unfortunately Cable attacks allowing a disenchanted Russell to escape with his new friend who is none other than Juggernaut (rendered entirely in CGI). Russell heads to his school with Juggernaut intending to kill his headmaster. Cable tells Deadpool that Russell killing his headmaster will start him down a destructive path that leads him to killing anyone in his path. Deadpool negotiates with Cable and is allowed a chance to stop Russell through reason, on the condition that Cable will be allowed to kill Russell if he fails. Needing help, Deadpool appeals to Colossus for forgiveness.

Heading to the school, Russell cuts a swathe of destruction as Juggernaut tries to fight off the X-Force. Just as things start to go badly Colossus, Negasonic and Yukio turn up and use their powers to restrain Juggernaut. When Russell refuses to listen to Deadpool’s pleas, Deadpool proves how desperate he is by putting the surpression collar back on. When this also seems to fail, Cable takes a shot at Russell but Deadpool intercepts the bullet. After an extended goodbye and several fake-outs, Deadpool finally dies. Seeing that Russell will no longer become a killer, Cable uses the last of his time travel energy not to return home but instead goes back to the beginning of the fight and puts the skeeball token in the right place to deflect the bullet allowing Deadpool to live. Finally, the headmaster is killed after getting run over by Dopinder who is happy to finally have murdered someone. Cable decides to remain in the present for the time being, and the group head home with Deadpool noting that he’s formed a strange kind of family around him.

In a mid-credits scene, Deadpool has Negasonic and Yukio fix Cable’s time travel device and heads back to right some wrongs… first he goes back to save Vanessa, then saves one of the X-Force members from having his body dissolved by acid before heading into the events of X-Men Origins: Wolverine and killing the bastardization of his character from that film in front of a confused Logan (portrayed by Hugh Jackman in stock footage). Finally, Deadpool kills Ryan Reynolds before the actor can sign on to Green Lantern.

LONG VERSION

The film opens with Wade Wilson/Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) smoking a cigarette and then pulling out a music box made to look like Wolverine being impaled on a branch like he was in “Logan”. Deadpool then rests on several barrels of fuel before he chucks the cigarette into the air and lets it fall into one of the barrels, causing a huge explosion that blows him to pieces. He then proceeds to trash Wolverine for dying in his own movie, saying he can one-up the guy in his own movie.

Deadpool takes us back to a while earlier when he was enjoying his job killing bad guys, up until it brought him to a criminal named Sergei Valishnikov. After outrunning Sergei’s goons and getting a ride from Dopinder (Karan Soni), Wade goes home to Vanessa (Morena Baccarin), where they celebrate their anniversary. Wade gives her a skee ball token from their first date, and Vanessa tells Wade that she is ready to have a child and start a family with him, making Wade very excited.

Their happiness is short-lived when a number of goons led by Sergei break into the apartment and attack them. Wade kills the goons, but Sergei shoots Vanessa and kills her. Filled with rage, Wade chases Sergei into the streets. Sergei tries to get away in a car, but he crashes into a van. Wade slams Sergei out of his car and drags him into the street where they are both plowed by a truck, which only kills Sergei.

Wade becomes depressed after Vanessa’s death, blaming himself for letting it happen. He goes to see Blind Al (Leslie Uggams), who tries to help him before he does something bad. Wade just does some coke before finally deciding to blow himself up. Wade sees himself in another realm where Vanessa is in their apartment, but he cannot reach her. The bits of his body are recovered by Colossus (Stefan Kapicic), and he takes Wade to the mutant academy.

Wade recovers in the mansion but still screws around, like taking Professor Xavier’s chair to roll around in and once again quip that the studio couldn’t get better X-Men (but we get a brief glimpse of Xavier, Beast, Cyclops, and Quicksilver in class). He also reunites with Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand) and meets her friendly girlfriend Yukio (Shioli Kutsuna). Colossus tries to encourage Wade to join the X-Men so that he can heal emotionally. Although reluctant, Wade agrees to join them as they are responding to a new mission.

Deadpool, Colossus, and Negasonic go to an orphanage run by the Essex Corporation meant to “fix” mutant children. A 14-year-old boy named Russell Collins, AKA “Firefist” (Julian Dennison) is raging and setting fire to the place. Deadpool tries to talk to Russell and discovers that he is being abused by the Headmaster (Eddie Marsan) and the head orderly after Russell says he would rather go to The Icebox than back to the orphanage. Deadpool shoots the orderly dead, to the horror of Colossus and Negasonic. They try to detain Russell, but he blasts them away with his powers. He and Deadpool are caught and strapped with collars that suppress their mutant powers.

In the future, a mercenary mutant named Cable (Josh Brolin) awakens to the destruction of his home and loss of his wife and child. He takes his daughter’s teddy bear as a keepsake before he travels back to the past.

Wade and Russell are taken to the Icebox, where other mutants are kept as prisoners. Russell tries to stick with Wade, despite Wade wanting nothing to do with him. Russell tries to pick a fight with the biggest guy to make him his bitch. They are approached and antagonized by a trio of mutants led by Black Tom Cassidy (Jack Kesy). Wade and Russell them promptly have the crap kicked out of them.Shortly after, Cable infiltrates the prison to go hunting for Russell. He blasts his and Wade’s cell to pieces, but they weren’t inside. Cable fights off guards before finding Wade and Russell. Wade fights him, and they fall several feet where Wade appears dead after his body bends unnaturally upon hitting the ground, but the collar fell off him before he did so. Cable asks Wade why he’s trying to protect him, and Wade says he’s not and that he doesn’t care about Russell, which he overhears. Wade takes Cable’s gun and blasts them out of the prison. Cable takes the token Wade gave to Vanessa before pounding him so hard in the back that he passes out. Wade goes into the other realm to see Vanessa again, and he still cannot reach her. She looks over to him and tells him his heart isn’t in the right place.Wade goes to his favorite bar to be with Dopinder and Weasel (TJ Miller), where he decides that it is his responsibility to save Russell. With Weasel’s help, they decide to form a “super duper fucking group”. They set up interviews and meet with a bunch of new mutants – Bedlam (Terry Crews), who can manipulate electrical energy as well as the current in peoples’ heads; Zeitgeist (Bill Skarsgard), who can puke acidic bile; Shatterstar (Lewis Tam), an alien who just assumes he’s better than everyone at what he does; Vanisher, who may or may not be actually present; Domino (Zazie Beetz), a mutant with extremely good luck; and Peter (Rob Delaney), an ordinary guy who just saw the ad and thought it looked fun. Deadpool hires them all, to the annoyance of Dopinder since he really wanted to get his hands dirty.Back in the Icebox, Russell finds a potential ally in a mutant with brute strength, hoping to have him on his side.The team, which Deadpool dubs “X-Force”, rides a jet as they attempt to intercept a truck containing mutant prisoners, including Russell. Deadpool warns them to look out for cable. The team leaps out and opens their parachutes, but because of the strong winds that nobody paid attention to, most of the team dies horribly – Bedlam flies headfirst into a truck, Shatterstar gets shredded by helicopter blades, Vanisher is electrocuted on wires (and we discover that he is BRAD PITT), and Zeitgeist lands in a wood chipper. Peter tries to help him out, but Zeitgeist sprays him with acid, causing most of Peter’s right side to burn off painfully while Zeitgeist becomes salsa. Deadpool and Domino manage to survive as they catch up to the truck. Domino hijacks the truck while Deadpool fights Cable. During the fight, Cable kills off a bunch of the other mutants, including Black Tom (leading Deadpool to call him racist, even though “Black” Tom was white). Russell then unleashes his mutant buddy…it’s JUGGERNAUT (bitch!). He slams his fist through the truck and causes it to tear through a bridge, sending it crashing down. Deadpool starts to geek out because he loves Juggernaut, only for him to actually rip Deadpool in half before he heads off with Russell.Wade goes back to Blind Al’s place where he now has baby legs as they are growing back. Weasel, Dopinder, and Domino all go to him, and Cable shows up as well. He explains to them that in the future, Russell becomes a ruthless killing machine after he commits his first murder with Juggernaut. Russell will eventually become the one who murders Cable’s family, so he went back in time to kill Russell before he can begin his reign of terror. Wade convinces Cable to at least allow him to talk to Russell before he has to kill him.Before heading to find Russell, Deadpool has Dopinder drive him to the X-Mansion to talk to Colossus. He’s still upset with Deadpool over his senseless killing, but he tries to appeal to Colossus’s good nature by saying how he needs to help Russell.Deadpool, Cable, Domino, and Dopinder arrive at the orphanage where Russell and Juggernaut are headed to kill the Headmaster. Dopinder takes a look at Juggernaut and decides to go back to the cab. As Deadpool tries to talk to Russell, he ignores him and heads in to go after the Headmaster. The orderlies arrive to attack, so the three mutants proceed to wipe the floor with them. A jet arrives with Colossus, Negasonic, and Yukio arriving to help. They go after Juggernaut, and Colossus finally agrees to fight dirty like Deadpool. They get into a big fight, but Juggernaut proves to be significantly stronger than Colossus. Yukio uses her own rope to bind Juggernaut’s legs together before Colossus sticks a loose electrical wire in his ass, and Negasonic uses her power to push Juggernaut into a pool, putting him out for the fight.Russell reaches the Headmaster as he starts to burn the orphanage up. Deadpool catches up to him and tries to talk Russell down and convince him that killing is not going to make him feel better. Russell refuses to listen and he blasts Deadpool. He gears up to kill the Headmaster, but Deadpool attaches one of the suppressing collars on himself as Cable reaches for his gun. He fires a shot at Russell, but Deadpool leaps in the way to take the bullet, hitting him in the heart. Russell has a change of heart after seeing this sacrifice, and he weeps over Deadpool’s body. Cable sees that the blood on his daughter’s teddy vanishes, meaning the future is saved. Deadpool accepts his death and says goodbye to everyone (as he waits a very long time to die) as he passes on. He returns to the other realm where he sees Vanessa and he is finally able to reach her. He appears as he did before his mutation, and they talk about how far Wade has come. They kiss passionately, but Vanessa says it’s not Wade’s time. Cable then uses his remaining charge for his time travel device to go back to when he arrived at the orphanage with Deadpool and Domino. He taps Deadpool’s chest before they head in, and after fast-forwarding to the end, Deadpool still takes the shot for Russell, but he finds out that Cable slipped the token in his suit earlier. Deadpool teases Cable because he gave up his last charge to save him, even giving him a hug until Cable puts a knife near Deadpool’s dick. Cable decides he’s gonna stick around this time period for a while. The whole team starts to walk away until the Headmaster comes out, ungrateful for being spared, and saying that the mutants deserve to die. Cue Dopinder riding in and plowing the guy into mush with the cab as he jumps out gleefully for contributing to the team.Deadpool continues to walk away with the other mutants, saying that they are his family.During the credits, Negasonic and Yukio fix Cable’s time travel device and give it to Deadpool (and they immediately regret it). Deadpool travels through time to save Vanessa from getting shot and killing Sergei right there in the apartment. He then jumps back to save Peter from dying horribly. He goes back even further to “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” where he kills the proto-Deadpool that fought Wolverine. Deadpool then goes back to when Ryan Reynolds was about to accept the role of Green Lantern, only for Deadpool to shoot him in the head.

ONCE UPON A DEADPOOL

DEADPOOL 2 and ONCE UPON A DEADPOOL (2018)OK, so… it’s basically a PG-13 version of Deadpool 2; that means: a lot of bleeped vulgarity; heavily edited scenes of violence, to suppress the blood and gore we all witnessed in the original R-rated version; blurring of the infamous scene where Deadpool’s legs were regrowing -so we wouldn’t see his butt and man parts.

Also included is a cameo by Fred Savage as himself, as a nod to the role he played in THE PRINCESS BRIDE.

In all, the whole movie plays with Deadpool reading the plotline, in storyline fashion, to a kidnapped and bound-to-bed Fred Savage. He appears in snippets, in between scenes.

After the movie ends, an in-between credits’ scene shows Deadpool finally releasing him (even reciting the “As You Wish” line and all), but, when Fred gets up, we see he is naked from the waist down -which, of course, gets blurred- and Deadpool must help him out of the room.

The real, nice surprise, after the credits have rolled, is a short set of bloopers featuring Stan Lee, followed by a documentary-style mini-tribute to his legacy and completed with the line EXCELSIOR!

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